# My First Post: You Are Not Alone
If you are reading this, chances are that gambling is affecting your life, and I suspect not in a positive manner.
You might be concerned with your gambling behavior. You might be concerned with how gambling seems to be affecting a loved one. Or, you might be at the point where gambling has taken over your life, and you want to change your relationship with it, but you have no idea where to start.
No matter what category you fall under, rest assured that you have come to the right place.
My name is Chris, and I have a long and complicated history with gambling. I gambled for twenty five years, and for most of that time the relationship was problematic, to say the least. During the last five years or so, there was no question that my gambling had spiraled into full blown addiction.
I progressively spent more and more time and money, chasing losses, going further and further into debt. By the time I decided to finally seek help and enter recovery in the fall of 2019, I had become a shell of my former self. I was in disbelief at the losses I had incurred and the debt I had accumulated.
My relationships were fractured; I preferred isolation and avoidance rather than allowing anyone to see how far I had fallen. I wavered between anxiety, depression, and mostly anger, as it felt like the walls were closing in around me. I had begun to do things in pursuit of the addiction that I could never have imagined just a few years prior.
I was a slave to the bet in the truest sense of the word; even though it was slowly destroying me it was the focus of my life. All of my time and energy was being spent at work or otherwise to fund my habit. I felt completely helpless, out of control, and dark thoughts were starting to creep in. I began to wonder if the world would be a better place without me.
Fortunately, I was able to pull myself out of that deep pit of despair. But I could never have done it by myself. I had already tried that many, many times without success.
But throughout the fall of 2019 and early 2020, I found hope, inspiration, and support, in a variety of places.
I began listening to podcasts about gambling recovery. Hearing people share their stories of addiction and recovery made me realize that there were others out there who had gone through similar struggles, and had figured a way out of it. Hope is contagious.
I found support at my local addiction and family services center. It was there I met dedicated, compassionate, amazing counselors. I received both one-on-one support for my problem, as well as group support where we were taught about everything from the underlying reasons we continued to gamble even in the face of negative consequences, to the practical strategies for dealing with urges, triggers, and relapse amongst other things.
The other component was essentially an open floor where we were given the opportunity to share what was working and what wasn’t in our recovery, and perhaps most importantly the chance to offer a shoulder to lean on when things were rough.
Lastly, I found a great deal of support and insight from various other peer support groups, including Gambler’s Anonymous and several online groups.
And so, there is far too much to share in this first post (stay tuned for more!) about what recovery has been like, but I`ll try and summarize it as I can in a sentence.
Recovery has been simultaneously the most challenging, rewarding and meaningful experience of my life. Hands down. I sometimes joke that my life can be split in two: BR (before recovery) and AR (after recovery), because with the proper commitment, perseverance and dedication the person who emerges on the other side resembles nothing like the one who went in.
And that is not to say recovery has an end point. As is often recited, it is a journey, not a destination.
And so, I find myself starting a new phase of the journey. I have spent the last year or so taking a variety of courses, and find myself certified both as a Life & Wellness and Recovery Coach.
As I mentioned, I would not have tasted success without professional support. I cannot put into words how influential and transformative it was to work with someone who accepted me as I was without judgement, who made me feel seen and heard, who celebrated my successes and helped me get back on track when I fell off, and helped me to hold myself accountable to the goal I was pursuing.
And so, that is my mission moving forwards. To distill everything I have learnt and experienced from both addiction and recovery, combined with the fantastic hands-on training in becoming certified as a coach, and help others who are in the shoes I once found myself in.
I consider myself beyond fortunate to have been born at this moment in time; never has the opportunity existed where we as humans can have as much impact on others because of the internet.
And that’s where the second part comes in; creating content in both writing (this blog) and in video format (stay tuned for details about my Youtube channel!).
I`ve always wanted to express myself creatively in writing form, but there was just never anything that felt natural to me. I was interested in many things, but nothing ever stuck out.
Now, being able to write about everything I`ve learnt: tips, tricks, strategies, insights, and the theory behind everything related to addiction and recovery is as close to a natural process as I can think of. Knowing that I can tick two boxes at once, being able to help others and satisfy my urge to create, that’s the chef’s kiss so to speak.
And so world, there you have it, my first ever blog post.