Saturday, December 21, 2019. I opened my mobile banking app, bracing myself to see how much damage I had done the night before, during yet another alcohol-fueled gambling binge. Turns out I had barely a hundred dollars to my name.

“That can’t be possible! I didn’t chase that much!” I told my panic-stricken self. I was correct—in addition to blowing over a thousand dollars at the online casino, I noticed another withdrawal. If we want to get technical about things, it was actually a garnishment. My bank had automatically withdrawn almost a thousand dollars. Right then and there, I knew I was cooked.

I had spent the previous few years maxing out credit cards, lines of credit, and having my account in overdraft more than above it. After months of keeping my phone on silent, evading creditor calls like a game of dodgeball, the tap was being turned off and they were taking action. The picture was becoming clear. It was finally time to pay the piper.

I sat up on my bed, frozen. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I assessed my situation without distraction. I looked around my room in a dingy apartment that hadn’t been cleaned in months. Here I was, just months away from turning forty, and I had no idea how I was going to buy Christmas presents, put gas in my car, or pay rent in ten days. How did I ever let it get to this point?

In that moment, I realized my finances might have been the least of my worries—I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually broken. For years, I told myself I would figure things out. That I wasn’t really out of control. That I could stop anytime. I was wrong.

I couldn’t run anymore. It was time to face the music. To accept the truth I’d been denying since I was 15—I had never been in control of my gambling. And I needed help. When I was finally able to swallow my pride and admit that, everything changed.

For me, recovery isn’t just about quitting. It’s about building a life worth staying sober for. I know how challenging the journey can be, and I wouldn’t have been able to break free had I not had help along the way. It’s the reason I’ve dedicated myself to helping others who were once in my shoes.